My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
