the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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