she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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