there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
