the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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