Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
