will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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