WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
