i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
