do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dear god my vagina.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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