how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
