During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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