please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
