She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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