My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
