So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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