she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
