Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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