My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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