Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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