Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
