Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just threw up on my dentist
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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