I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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