everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
operation have a gay friend backfired
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
