I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
