from now on my penis is your penis
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
