I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
