I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
