so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
