There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
