when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
