quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
love makes seman taste better
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
