just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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