I wish I could teleport
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
