he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
