So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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