eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
