Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm having to shit out rocks
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