After last night, I could never be a politician.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
