Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
