I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
