My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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