everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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