Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
