Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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