How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
