Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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