Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
