I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
