Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
