I must be too annoying 4 u.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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