last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
