I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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