Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
