Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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