he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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