i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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