I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
