I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
