so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
