My first STD was from a foam party
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
