is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
