Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
