So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
