God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
