Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
