if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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