her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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