No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
