i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
