You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
